WPS: Let’s Play WPS Fantasy, Week 4

To be quite honest, I am getting discouraged by my continual failure at WPS Fantasy. I was in the negatives last week, but I will keep plugging away in hopes of winning a jackpot…like that’s ever going to happen. I knew I should have put Dew back after the first week.

In: Ella Masar, Angie Woznuk Kerr

Out: Karen Carney, Kosovare Asllani

The Kaz-Woz substitution was a whim and I have no explanation for it. Kosaroni is injured (broken rib), so I put in Masar, who is my favorite “Stupid American” because of the antics she pulled while playing with Team Strømmen FK in Norway.

W-League, WPS: A Tale Of Two Keepers

This is Mary Casey.

And this is Karen Bardsley.

Bard, please to be unlocking your twitter, as you could possibly be at the same level of awesome as Kate Markgraf if only the wider world could see.

CONCACAF U-17 Women’s Championship: Les sous dix-septs du Haïti

Although the United States U-17 women did not make it to the FIFA U-17 Women’s World Cup like they expected to, perhaps they too realize that, in the grand scheme of humanity, that shortcoming isn’t that important after all.

Lest I forget (video).

ESPN is usually a douchebag, but I sure hope they listen to their commenters, the ones who are clamoring to help these girls.

WPS: #DYT Is Only Fun If It’s Rude

Dear my friends, there are several topics to address today so let’s get started. From serious to specious:

1. Carli Lloyd’s Injury. The nice thing to do is to wish Carli Lloyd a speedy recovery, because having broken body parts is quite unpleasant, and of course we can’t forget her admirable loyalty to Hope Solo. However, Sky Blue FC (or, as a certain wit calls them, “Sky Poo”) should be happy that Lloyd is out of commission, because that means there won’t be so many giveaways in the midfield. This is not good news for FC Gold Pride. (I repeat: NOT.) FCGP might just get beat by a Lloyd-less Sky Poo, because no matter what the USA Women’s National Team fangirls tell you, the last time Lloyd was ever any good was in 2008. We know that Becky Edwards or Carrie Dew can hold the ball better than Lloyd can, but without Lloyd some of the bets are not off. Like, what if Miettenen actually lights a fire under Yael Averbuch’s lazy ass?
2. Jim Gabarra Is An Idiot. I must give him credit for keeping the heart and soul of the team (i.e., Sarah Huffman and Lori Lindsey) when the Washington Freedom made the jump from the W-League to WPS, thereby promoting team loyalty — at least for 2009. Then it all went to pot when he traded Lindsey away, benched Alex Singer, played Sonia fecking Bompastor in defense (defense!) and refused to release Briana Scurry. Of course, pertaining to that last bit, Kati Jo Spisak’s example is a ray of hope for Meagan McCray.
3. If Connect World Football Were Any Good They’d Give Us More Kerri Hanks Updates. I’m just saying. The majority of the hits this blog gets comes from people who want to know where the hell she is. And I feel bad when I can’t deliver.
4. New Talent. I really like the person who commentates on FC Gold Pride’s home match highlights. She actually injects emotion into them. I think she should replace Rogondino and Hildreth. Y/N?
5. GERBER® GRADUATES® Needs To Sponsor Kate Markgraf. I think that speaks for itself. Buy more Wagon Wheels!
6. Megan Rapinoe’s Illness Is A Mafia Plot. Why else does she have meningitis one day and mononucleosis on another? It’s the Chicago Way. See? [/capone]

WPS: Let’s Play WPS Fantasy, Week 3

I will be gone all weekend for a wedding and will probably miss all of the games. Not that I care about this week’s matchup, but it is nice to have soccer to watch.

Anyway, this week I’ve changed my formation to a 3-4-3; it’s clear that the WPS Fantasy deck is stacked against defenders — stupid assholes — so I put Becky Edwards back in, as I remember Edwards doesn’t really play in defense and could likely nab more points for me than a regular defender. Unless she goes and gets yellow-carded again…

I continue to hold fast to my faith in Brittany Klein and Kelley O’Hara. It paid off for me last week with O’Hara, now I’m just waiting for the Red Stars to get going.

In: Karen Carney, Becky Edwards, Holmfridur Magnusdottir

Out: Amanda Cinalli, Kate Markgraf, Brittany Taylor

WPS: Let’s Play WPS Fantasy, Week 2

I did a major overhaul of my my fantasy team over the past couple of days. It seems that I will not be able to return to my original lineup — mostly because Tony DiCicco has decided to be an asshole and elevate Phillips to #1 keeper, presumably over my favorite, Naeher.

Out: McLeod, Marshall, Dallstream, Edwards, Schoepfer

In: Whitworth, Schnur (replaced by Markgraf), Cox, Fletcher, Asllani

Yes I did replace McLeod with Allison Whitworth. I feel guilty about this because I should not have doubted Whitworth in the first place. She should have been my choice from the beginning; as an FC Gold Pride fan, I knew what she was capable of. But like an idiot I tried to “play it safe”, and now I only have 20 fantasy points to show for it. I am such a fool.

I added Kosovare “Kosaroni” Asllani because I liked what I saw in last weekend’s FSC game. I also added Schnur, but then just today the roster report said that she had INJURED herself. (Thanks a lot, Meghan!) So I replaced her with Kate Markgraf, who is one of my favorites solely because she is pure comedy on Twitter.

I also took the captain’s armband away from Cinalli and gave it to Cheney. You can tell I’m banking on another fracking Boston win. UGH. Sometimes I am such a jerk to myself.

WPS: Dumping on Albertin Montoya

That FC Gold Pride underachieved last year is–well, the result of many things. One of which was Albertin Montoya’s hard head. Especially on the topic of exactly who was capable to play in WPS.

I remember, and rue the day, that Cristiane recorded the first hat trick in WPS for the Chicago Red Stars. By then Weimer was deep in her slump;  also, Dew did not suit up for that game and DiMartino stayed on the bench all game. And it wasn’t just that which irked me; the failure to pull a shaken Abegg from the field and then the presumption to start Sissi — Sissi! — of all people. I noted to a friend that Chicago was probably gobsmacked at Montoya’s stupidity, but of course, they were quite willing to take advantage of it.

Fast forward to 2010. With the acquisition of Marta, Abily, and a strong class of rookies, people were starting to warm up to Montoya again. The future suddenly looked golden (pardon the pun). Then the first game arrives and already Montoya goes and does a stupid thing: leaves Carrie Dew at home. And then Marta, O’Hara, and possibly Gulbrandsen are played in the wrong positions. And Saint Louis’ midfield makes FCGP pay. (Although, I take issue with the fans who think DiMartino did better with Saint Louis. Of course they won the game, and of course DiMartino was good. But DiMartino worked her heart out for FCGP and nobody noticed or cared because FCGP didn’t get results.)

So after the first loss, which feels like a continuation of all the losses FCGP suffered last season, the fans are left with the sickly realization that even with all the changes, nothing has really changed. Montoya is still the same idiot he ever was.

The season is long and things can happen, but just as long[-lasting] is Montoya’s stubbornness.

Welcome back to the bottom of the WPS, FC Gold Pride. We missed you. The cellar does get cold sometimes, but we make it work, don’t we? We always do. Group Hug! We have each other and that’s all that matters!

Last place in the standings, but first in all the hearts of your frustrated, restless, angry fans. And that’s more than what Los Angeles (may it rest in peace until the league tries to resurrect it next season) had.

WPS: The Truest Tweet

This weekend’s Truest Tweet is:

I have hardly any desire to watch @skybluefc play since Kerri Hanks is no longer playing for them. #wps

It’s only Week 1 of WPS and FC Gold Pride has already broken my heart. In theory, I’m supposed to be supporting Saint Louis (because Christina DiMartino is playing for them and I said I would support whichever team she ended up on), but…well. We’ll see what the next week brings, and the next week, and the next week…

Coming up this week on rhythm bandits (in no particular order):

• I lick my wounds from this past week’s WPS Fantasy and try to find a way to build up points without having to choose players I don’t care about.
• [Hopefully] more news on where the hell Kerri Hanks is.
• Dumping on Albertin Montoya

It’ll be fun! Stick around.

WPS: Let’s Play WPS Fantasy, Week 1

So my fantasy team has suffered a blow and it’s not even the first game yet!

FC Gold Pride is not playing Carrie Dew and Boston isn’t playing Alyssa Naeher (which is the STUPIDEST IDEA EVAR) because Naeher is definitely starting goalkeeper material, so either she’s not physically ready or Tony DiCicco is having an attack of Stupid. Neither would surprise me, as

1. Naeher was badly injured last spring during a US U-23 scrimmage versus Portland and barely made it back in time for Penn State’s NCAA season — hence she is capable of being injured at a bad time
2. Tony DiCicco has suffered attacks of Stupid before. Many times.

So what could I do?

I replaced Dew with Becky Edwards and “splurged” for Erin McLeod, leaving Cheney as the only Boston player on this week’s fantasy lineup. I hope to return to my original lineup next week. (I kind of want Philadelphia to lose this weekend, can’t you tell?)

WPS: Oh Kerri Hanks Where Are You Roaming, Part 2

Hot off the presses on Twitter:

Kerri Hanks, scores two in Portugal. Will she sign with Stjarnan?

Your guess is as good as mine, you know!

I did some Googling and “Stjarnan” appears to be Stjarnan Ladies (or Women, or Female Version, whatever), member of the Icelandic Women’s Premier League. I suppose they are in Portugal for something.