NCAA, etc.: Search terms for Christmas!

Because it is almost the end of the year, here are the top 10 search terms used to find my blog since its inception in January:

Why yes, I am a badass, and this is my badass blog.

Bryane Heaberlin verballed to North Carolina, which makes me want to punch someone in the mouth.

Also, now that we know the Hermann Trophy finalists, I will just say that Christen Press deserves the Hermann Trophy and if she doesn’t win it, I will cry foul.

NCAA, USA Women’s National Team: Here we go Irish!

That is for Alex Morgan, because Kings Of Leon is apparently among her preferred music artists.

• Quite frankly, everyone’s said it. The USWNT sucked. Her Serene Highness Alex Morgan scored a goal that made me puff up with Cal Pride, but did not do justice to how crappily the USA was playing. Ironically, Lloyd wasn’t behind most of the suckage: it was two former Florida Gators (AHEM) who had the worst performances of the game, in my opinion.
• I don’t understand how anyone can cheer for the Evil Clones Tar Heels. They got what they deserved, which was a 4-1 crushing at the hands of Rose ‘Laser’ Augustin and the Notre Dame Fighting Irish. There is no such thing as a heart breaking for the Tar Heels, because people who say their heart breaks for UNC don’t really have hearts at all. Or are just bandwagoners.
• Granted, the Irish still have to face a surging Oklahoma State — which is completely ridiculous because now people think Adrianna Franch is better than Bianca Henninger.
• If you actually think  Adrianna Franch is better than Bianca Henninger (like Top Drawer Soccer apparently does), you’re an idiot. Certifiable.
• Kerri Hanks popped up in UND’s interactive liveblog during the game. That made my day! Even more so than all the Twitter people throwing themselves at Morgan’s lovely feet and worshiping thanking her for saving the USA’s ass. You’re welcome, guys.

NCAA: Never Mind

Remember when I asked where in the world is Taylor Knaack?

The Cross-Conference Collectors found her. (Out of respect to the source, I assume, few details were forthcoming — but at least she wasn’t expelled from school.) The whole podcast is worth listening to, and you should listen to it.

NCAA, etc.: You can has search terms

Today I would like to show you the top 10 search terms used to find this blog.

SOME people still remember Kerri Hanks exists. If you don't, you're like that fat kid yelling obscenities while getting shot at with paintballs or something.

WE MISS YOU KERRI HANKS.

NCAA: Is the Bermuda Triangle in South Bend or something

Where in the world is Taylor Knaack?

Knaack stopped playing around two weekends ago and has since disappeared from the Notre Dame roster as well. That was a more preemptive information wipe than that of Tereza Stastny, who at least waited until the end of the season to disappear. I’m very sad now.

Kindly direct all information regarding Knaack’s whereabouts into the comments section. okthnxbai

EDIT: Taylor Knaack has been found.

NCAA: Oh Kerri Hanks Where Are You Roaming, Part 3

WE FOUND KERRI HANKS.

Thanks to a tip on Twitter and the All-Seeing Google Machine, we have discovered that Kerri Hanks is now part of Texas Christian University‘s women’s soccer coaching staff.

Interestingly, Kristen Barg, one of the freshmen on the Horned Frogs’ roster, is apparently related to Courtney Barg, Hanks’ former teammate at Notre Dame. Please advise.

Úrvalsdeild, WPS: Disappearing Acts and Disappointments

I checked the Soccerway rosters after Stjarnan’s first game against Afturelding, and there was no sign of Hanks, although McCoy does appear (with an Iceland flag next to her name, what the hell).

The search for the two-time Hermann Trophy winner goes on.

On the WPS front, here are Five Things We Learned From Atlanta Beat vs. Washington Freedom Part II:

1. Allison Whitworth would’ve saved that. And that.
2. Forget the 19-year-old (although she has major skills); McCall Zerboni is Atlanta’s MVP. Once she bloodied up Bompastor and got concussed while doing so, Atlanta’s offense — compared to last weekend versus Sky Poo — was a shambles. No offense to Mundy or Rasmussen.
3. Jim Gabarra has secretly hired a Chinese coach to improve his players’ diving techniques. Wambach has benefitted.
4. Only very drastic measures will get Rogondino and Hildreth to shut up. Unfortunately these measures cannot be mentioned in polite company.
5. Stacy Bishop has the best sideways glare. Like a hawk.

Úrvalsdeild: Are You There, Hanks? It’s Us, Your Fans

If we look back at the WPS transactions page, we see that the player who was cut from Atlanta Beat’s preseason roster at the same time as Kerri Hanks was former Sacramento State Hornet Katie McCoy, who is Sac State’s all-time leader in assists.

Sac State had a news release stating that McCoy signed with Stjarnan F.C., the same Icelandic club that Kerri Hanks was possibly going to join. It is probably safe to assume that Hanks and McCoy, having both been released by Atlanta at the same time, probably traveled to Europe together with the same intent. Whether they both signed with Stjarnan is still unconfirmed, as there is obviously no mention of Hanks in the Sac State article. The news release is dated April 14, so if Hanks signed with Stjarnan, she would have signed at or around the same time as McCoy had.

Basically, the article is circumstantial evidence that Hanks may very well still be in Iceland.

Soccerway.com’s women’s football fixtures (the interface reminds me of a betting site) note that Stjarnan F.C. — also known as UMF Stjarnan — begins its season on May 13, 2010, against Afturelding.

UMF Stjarnan appears to be what we call an Athletic Club — that is, other professional sports aside from soccer are played under their name (e.g., handball). This site is their senior women’s soccer team’s section, the one we expect Hanks and McCoy to be on, but it has not been updated since November 2009.

The rosters on Soccerway are not updated either (their WPS rosters are higgledy-piggledy, with 2009 and 2010 rosters mish-mashed together), but I am hoping that will change after the 13th, when the Úrvalsdeild begins play. You can bet that I will be taking more than a passing glance at what goes on in the Stjörnuvöllur, should it be Hanks’ home stadium for the summer. That’s the way it goes.

P.S. The city where Stjarnan F.C. is based in is Garðabær, Iceland — the only city in Iceland that has an IKEA. Yay!

WPS: The Truest Tweet

This weekend’s Truest Tweet is:

I have hardly any desire to watch @skybluefc play since Kerri Hanks is no longer playing for them. #wps

It’s only Week 1 of WPS and FC Gold Pride has already broken my heart. In theory, I’m supposed to be supporting Saint Louis (because Christina DiMartino is playing for them and I said I would support whichever team she ended up on), but…well. We’ll see what the next week brings, and the next week, and the next week…

Coming up this week on rhythm bandits (in no particular order):

• I lick my wounds from this past week’s WPS Fantasy and try to find a way to build up points without having to choose players I don’t care about.
• [Hopefully] more news on where the hell Kerri Hanks is.
• Dumping on Albertin Montoya

It’ll be fun! Stick around.

WPS: Oh Kerri Hanks Where Are You Roaming, Part 2

Hot off the presses on Twitter:

Kerri Hanks, scores two in Portugal. Will she sign with Stjarnan?

Your guess is as good as mine, you know!

I did some Googling and “Stjarnan” appears to be Stjarnan Ladies (or Women, or Female Version, whatever), member of the Icelandic Women’s Premier League. I suppose they are in Portugal for something.