USA Women’s National Team: Not like I’m saying anything new…

O rly, Nike?

…

…

Dear Nike,

No love,

rhythm bandits

P.S. I’ve been wanting to use that .gif since FOREVER. Thanks for giving me an opportunity.

WPS: Going there

I was at the preseason scrimmage between the Philadelphia Independence and Penn State last night. I saw many of the ‘big names’ up close, and they are neither as tall nor as short as you would think they were. (Except for PSU’s Lexi Marton…she really is as tall as they say she is. Must be the hair.)

Miserable weather, but at least we got to see the players up close. If you can, I highly recommend watching scrimmages with the players. They say the darndest things.

That’s all I’m going to say. I think I need a shower.

WPS: Backing Up an Unpopular ATL Opinion

Ruth at Cross-Conference gave her opinion on the 2011 Atlanta Beat — an opinion that most people, it seems, tend not to agree with.

The Beat are newer at this workhorse game than Boston and Philly are, so while this is a good roster, we have to be realistic about the drawbacks of these players having not been given a fair chance before. But with the World Cup this year, they are going to have a chance to develop a real team here. There is a lot of very real potential on this roster. All the disrespect for this year’s Beat is horribly misplaced.

Yes, Atlanta has Carli Lloyd. And Heather Mitts. Probably the two most maligned USWNT regulars as of late. And it’s true: I think that the World Cup won’t be long enough to keep Lloyd (in particular) away from the Beat roster as much as I’d like.

But even if Galanis attempts to build a team around Her Most Serene Incompetence, what I like best about Atlanta this year is that they’re serious about giving untested youth a chance. Shocking how some Beat fans think it’s a good idea when somebody else is doing it, but when their own team does it, they go into conniptions. If the league fails next year (which is a very real possibility), at least one team should step up and do what even Philadelphia did not dare to do — build a team with a lot of young players fresh out of college.

Yes, it might be just because they’re being cheap. But really, it’s sickening to see so many people writing these kids off.

Call me starry-eyed, but these girls are fighters, who are hungry to prove themselves because they must know that the pundits, even their own team’s fans, think that they’re hopeless.

These are the U.S. players who want this league to survive, even if a certain Canadian believes that the U.S. doesn’t care about WPS. Mitts and Lloyd might not care, but the likes of the practically unknown U-23s (well, they are known to me, but not to most pundits) DO care about how they fare in WPS.

Atlanta is a team that everyone has written off. They are the underdogs and always have been, it seems — but this year is different.

Australia Women’s National Team, WPS: Inflatable

Dear person(s) who actually typed that into a search engine: I have just the thing for you

To those people who stumbled upon this web page in search of Lisa DeVanna’s inflatable penis, I highly recommend this Cross-Conference podcast to you. The reviews say it is SO very funny and I think you will appreciate it.

USA Women’s National Team: I think I hurt somebody’s feelings

I am proud to have received this ridiculous swipe from whoever was running the @ussoccer_wnt twitter account today:

LOL

Reasons why this swipe is ridiculous:

1. Not that Heifetz would know this, but as a USWNT fan and women’s soccer fan in general, I have seen Japan play. And more than just twice during the Olympics (which I should have, because guess who played them twice in Beijing? Oh, I don’t know, the UNITED STATES maybe?). Oh yes, and I watched them play against England in 2007, and New Zealand, Norway, China, and Germany in 2008. Not to mention several times at the U-20 level (thanks Chile 2008 and Germany 2010).
2. So. Just because I’m not a mindless cheerleader does not mean I’ve never seen one of the USA’s opponents. IN TOURNAMENTS. Also, you’d think a “big win”, no matter who the opponent was, should be a blowout. Japan IS that good — squeaking a win past them is not encouraging for a team who is so self-assured that it never changes its starting lineup roster even when it’s broken.
3. Actually, I take that back. Sure it’s a big win, for a TEAM THAT NEVER CHANGES ITS ROSTER.
4. Which probably suggests that this tweet was borne out of somebody’s hurt feelings. Or else they would have just, I don’t know, IGNORED it like they do to everybody else’s more supportive tweets.

With that said, here’s some news for Heifetz and the USWNT (and whoever else believes that tripe about the win over Japan being “big”) from High Expectations Asian Father:

He disapproves.

Anyway, there is also good news for people who think the @ussoccer_wnt account isn’t active enough: now that we know that the account actually reads the tweets sent its way, you should never give up tweeting @ them!

USA Women’s Youth National Team: You Want What You Want

I keep a sharp eye on the site statistics here, and while I don’t have very much to boast about (since everyone would rather go to the Website-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named) I have recently come to the same conclusion as my friends at Cross-Conference.

Popular, you're gonna be popu-oo-lar

For more on Megan Jesolva’s younger sister, click here.

Dave Chesler: give the fans what they want, put Jordan Jesolva in the U-20 player pool!

USA Women’s National Team: On today’s game vs. Canada

No rice for you!

There are just some internet memes that really speak to me, you know?

USA Women’s National Team: Are we serious? Yes A-Rod, we are

First of all:

This is my reaction to US Soccer insisting that Kelley O'Hara is a midfielder and therefore did not deserve to be in the video below.

And by the way, don’t let the title of this video fool you; it says “Young Guns”, but this video is actually about Abby. Because there’s no other reason why they would mention her every two seconds.

WPS: So, like, the 2011 Draft was today

Seriously.

And I have Strong Opinions.

1. I see this list of drafted people. Where’s Megan? (Jesolva, that is)
2. See #1. Lori Walker was going on and on about Lauren Barnes’ being only 5’4″ and yet having upside, which, by the way — that description fits Jesolva as well.
3. Um, so Oklahoma, have you been doing something and not telling me? Two draftees? Because usually you’re better known for your men’s gymnastics team…
4. Oregon’s Jen Stoltenberg. What a pleasant surprise; I hope she does well and makes the roster.
5. Dear WPS coaches, don’t you realize that Kylie Wright and Lauren Barnes simply cannot function without each other?
6. See #5. It’s the same with Sinead Farrelly and Meghan Lenczyk. There needs to be trading between ATL and PHI, please.
7. See #1. I know ten WPS teams who missed out: the six who still exist and the four who don’t.
8. Wasserman Media Group, which, through clever acquisition of other sports agencies, represents some big-name male soccer players— such as Steven Gerrard and Park Ji-Sung — is the agency that now represents Alex Morgan. Round of applause, please.
9. I try to remind myself that the last rounds of a draft don’t really matter, but it doesn’t stop this one from being a farce.

Then I went home and pan-fried some marinated pork.

UPDATE (1/23/2011): Jesolva has been signed away to the Atlanta Beat. Treat her well, Atlanta, or Soulja Girl will threaten legal action.

USA Women’s National Team: Ringing in the New Year

What better way to the ring in the New Year 2011 (and bring in the blog search hits) than with Alex Morgan? (Don’t answer that.)

Question: Why? Answer: Because I can.

So without further ado:

The electronic version of Alex Morgan’s ESPN The Magazine blurb (small picture) (Note that the magazine is the January 10, 2011 edition)

A bigger (less flattering) preview, but I do love the beanie

And of course the highlights video that has Morgan’s own stamp of approval (the massively annoying song that plays during the middle portion of the video is Kat DeLuna’s “Unstoppable”):

Now for the somewhat anticlimactic 2011 WPS Draft next week! As per protocol I will wait for everyone else’s previews and then complain about them.