WPS: “You can’t buy my love but I will flip through that magazine”

I haven’t spoken about WPS for a long time. I didn’t even chime in when FC Gold Pride, my hometown team, folded. I was angry and sad for a little while, but then NCAA heated up, the USWNT got in trouble, Alex Morgan suddenly got famous (or as famous as a women’s soccer player not named Mia Hamm can get in the United States), and Lauren Fowlkes got her NCAA championship ring. Morgan and Fowlkes can make my day, any day.

Well, it seems that since FCGP collapsed, so many interesting things have happened. As of this writing, Sinclair, Riley, Bock, Zerboni, and Wilson are going to Western New York Flash (blech what a mouthful). They’ve already got Fountain and Goebel, as you all should know by now — and of course a certain princess is slated to be the #1 2011 WPS draft pick, which WNY owns. I begged WNY to take Carrie Dew and Emma Hayes thanked me for my input. The Washington Freedom’s crazy-ass new owner is sending Freedom fans into conniptions — never seen so much whining in my life — at least, the most whining I’ve seen that wasn’t caused by Hope Solo. The Chicago Red Stars are not showing any signs of life. And, most oddly to me, Kelley O’Hara has been signed by the Boston Breakers, coached by the man who cut her from the 2008 U20 team (and in doing so I firmly believe that he drove a wedge between her and some of those other players). I mean, isn’t she Dennis the Menace to Tony’s Mr. Wilson? (Wonderful analogy, whoever came up with that.)

Other things have happened as well: the U-23s are going to camp again, Tiffany Weimer and co. start Ocho FC, the utopian women’s soccer team (hence it’s perfect and non-existent), Alex Morgan gets interviewed on a blog, and Morgan also did a photoshoot for ESPN the Magazine. Normally I don’t give a rat’s ass for ESPN anything, but OMG OMG, I WANT THAT ISSUE THAT HAS HER PICTURES IN IT, I WANT IT.

NCAA, WPS: Start tagging your tweets with #JillianMastroianni

Last night, like some people, I was watching Philadelphia vs. Boston. And I am so glad that Tony DiCicco will not have the satisfaction of getting the Breakers to the Final. Jerk.

My feelings all came out on Twitter, so I won’t rehash them. There was only one Boston team doing Massachusetts proud, and it was not the Breakers.

Now for NCAA.

• Cal scored first on Portland, thanks to Katrin “Thankful For My Sports Bras” Omarsdottir, a regular on the Icelandic women’s national team — she assisted the actual goal scorer, Lauren Battung. Who so happens to be the niece of the massage therapist for the 2008 USA U-20 WNT — yes, the one Morgan and Leroux were on.
• And then Portland’s coach probably spanked his Pilots for being stupid, so that they came out and scored three goals to win in the second half.
• Needless to say, Alex Morgan was not there. It would have been ridiculously ironic, and very sad, if the Bears had toppled Portland without her, but thankfully Foxhoven and Schmidt and the Purple Gang prevented that. Thanks Pilots!
• The Cross-Conference Collector has already been celebrating Boston College’s win over the Evil Clones North Carolina, so I’ll just point you there.
• With that said, I’m starting a new hashtag movement on Twitter!!!11!!!eleventy!!
• Since Jillian Mastroianni was apparently THE ALMIGHTY HERO in the Eagles’ victory (not counting a) the sans-Kelly Henderson backline, and b) Kristen Mewis and the third-oldest DiMartino sister, who have their own tag: #DiMartinoMewis, if you’re willing to help out with that), I’ve decided to honor her with her very own hashtag: #JillianMastroianni.
• I will use it to mock all of Boston College’s opponents, except my poor Virginia Cavaliers.

UNRELATED: Stanford Women’s Soccer keeps flooding my Twitter account like Hope Solo on fifteen cans of Red Bull. Maybe I should just stop following them.

WPS: Unpopular Opinions

1. Ramona Bachmann is quite the little brat, but I am totally a fangirl right now because of that nasty little stunt she pulled on Rachel Brown. It spiced up my life. Yes, I know I should be ashamed of myself. And I don’t care.
2. …still trying to identify the song my roommate is blasting…
3. I have been scolded (in a roundabout way) for approving of Patrizia Panico despite her breaking Leslie Osborne’s collarbone or something. Hey, it was Boston and SBFC, teams I don’t give a poot for. And yes, I should be ashamed of myself.
4. I imagine that Abby was more aware of Holmfridur Magnusdottir’s ability to crush bones because she didn’t get snitty at the Icelander, despite the latter constantly pushing and pawing at Huffy.
5. CAROLINE SEGER IS MY HERO.
6. Yes, I should be ashamed of myself.

WPS: Everyone’s A Little Bit Racist

I don’t believe I’ve spoken about Hope Solo vs. Everybody (Round 374437287646498534) so here’s my input:

WPS: The Team That Time Forgot + Jordan Angeli WTF

Sometimes when I look up the WPS games on FSC Sundays, there are some games that I try my very hardest to miss. Most, if not all of them, involve the Boston Breakers.

There I said it. Boston is BORING. Even Washington, who I LOATHE with the DARKEST HATRED IN MY HEART, has Nikki “The Best” Marshall and Abby + Huffy shenanigans.

Brittany Bock doesn't understand the sudden furor over the dork in the background.

EDIT (August 4, 2010): And now “the dork in the background”, equipped with artificial replacement ligaments, is July’s WPS Player Of The Month. That’s STUPID.

WPS: Let’s Play WPS Fantasy, Week 2

I did a major overhaul of my my fantasy team over the past couple of days. It seems that I will not be able to return to my original lineup — mostly because Tony DiCicco has decided to be an asshole and elevate Phillips to #1 keeper, presumably over my favorite, Naeher.

Out: McLeod, Marshall, Dallstream, Edwards, Schoepfer

In: Whitworth, Schnur (replaced by Markgraf), Cox, Fletcher, Asllani

Yes I did replace McLeod with Allison Whitworth. I feel guilty about this because I should not have doubted Whitworth in the first place. She should have been my choice from the beginning; as an FC Gold Pride fan, I knew what she was capable of. But like an idiot I tried to “play it safe”, and now I only have 20 fantasy points to show for it. I am such a fool.

I added Kosovare “Kosaroni” Asllani because I liked what I saw in last weekend’s FSC game. I also added Schnur, but then just today the roster report said that she had INJURED herself. (Thanks a lot, Meghan!) So I replaced her with Kate Markgraf, who is one of my favorites solely because she is pure comedy on Twitter.

I also took the captain’s armband away from Cinalli and gave it to Cheney. You can tell I’m banking on another fracking Boston win. UGH. Sometimes I am such a jerk to myself.

WPS: Let’s Play WPS Fantasy, Week 1

So my fantasy team has suffered a blow and it’s not even the first game yet!

FC Gold Pride is not playing Carrie Dew and Boston isn’t playing Alyssa Naeher (which is the STUPIDEST IDEA EVAR) because Naeher is definitely starting goalkeeper material, so either she’s not physically ready or Tony DiCicco is having an attack of Stupid. Neither would surprise me, as

1. Naeher was badly injured last spring during a US U-23 scrimmage versus Portland and barely made it back in time for Penn State’s NCAA season — hence she is capable of being injured at a bad time
2. Tony DiCicco has suffered attacks of Stupid before. Many times.

So what could I do?

I replaced Dew with Becky Edwards and “splurged” for Erin McLeod, leaving Cheney as the only Boston player on this week’s fantasy lineup. I hope to return to my original lineup next week. (I kind of want Philadelphia to lose this weekend, can’t you tell?)

WPS: Learning From Alyssa Naeher

I’ve just walked into the Women’s Professional Soccer Draft room; I’m there because the goalkeeper that I’ve coached for the past three years has been projected to be drafted and I couldn’t be happier to be in the room to witness her realizing her dreams and celebrating her future.

–Mariel Wilner, Penn State goalkeeper coach